Thursday, April 7, 2011

She was born in black and white.

Chipping off her red nail paint,
Thinking about her beauty;

As vulnerable as her,
Breakable, fragile and trivial.

She knew she was born in black and white,
The hue of this world was not for her.

She wanted to be one of them,
Yearning for the sense of belongingness.

Caught by the tide of destiny,
Encircled with dreams.

Dreams of breaking free,
Dreams of being free.

Wanted to come to terms with herself,
She was blinded by the light around her.

Sharp, vivid, blinding.
Deafening, alluring, allusive.

Now she cries in that little room,
Yelling out that she was born in black and white.

The hue of the world stole her element,
She realised she never belonged.

But tell her if she knows not,
Her beauty was vulnerable.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Our demeaning little circle.


There comes a time in your life when you have too much on your plate that you are just not able to decide where to head next. People say, the best decisions are those which are made at the spur of the moment. Wrong. At least, that has never been the case with me. Whenever I take decisions in haste, they always end up as a catastrophe. Don't blame my foresight for this, but this is the case with most of the people I believe.

Since I am jobless these days and currently spending my days within the four walls of my room, I get to think a lot. Well obviously, since I have nothing else to do, it's always better to contemplate. Now now, don't start thinking highly of me or start imagining me meditating, I just keep thinking about random stuff. Of how things and people hurt me in the past and why they did it. Even though, we don't want the same things in life, but the memories of past keep haunting us.

Although, being spiteful over the past is momentary but it does affect your future decisions too. We make this lens, through which we keep seeing and judging people. Let's not go too far and take an example of my own family. My family is a broadminded one and thinks much like any other Pakistani. They think, jumping on the bandwagon and following what the world is doing makes one liberal. I beg to differ. I believe liberalism is the embodiment of the idea of 'live and let live'. It doesn't necessarily mean you follow the pop culture or not.

Formerly, I used to think the same, to be honest. I used to label people. 'Abaya wali', 'daarhi wala' were one of the key labels. Why, as in why we keep judging people over their attire? We keep following the West, but always forget the culture there. Nobody bothers anyone else at all. Everyone takes care of their own business. Sadly, like the inception of Pakistan, Pakistanis are also a confused nation (patriots and nationalists please pardon me, I don't intend to say anything bad about Pakistan).

Why I said such a thing is because Pakistan was incepted solely on the idea of an independent state where Muslims can practice Islam freely, without anyone infringing. If that's the case, the half-naked lot of Pakistan should be lamented whereas people who follow Islam should be encouraged. Which is NOT the case at all. We discourage people who are staunch Muslims, we think they are good for nothing pea-heads and excuse me when I say, 'we are scared of them'. We think they are going to blow themselves up or maybe going to take you as hostage. So why are we on the rebound? Aren't we just too confused?

The other day me and my mother went into an argument over marrying a person who keeps a beard. My point of argument was very simple and to the point. Don't judge people with how they look, period. But my mother kept telling me that such people are extremists, they are this they are that, yadda yadda yadda. And my confrontation was only restricted to the point that not everyone's the same. Even people who call themselves as liberals are at times just liberal to themselves, they don't treat their wives that way.

At times, I become completely exasperated. Why can we just not let people do whatever they want to? I have seriously seen great people who are not religious at all and then I have also seen some staunch Muslims who are not good human beings at all. So why not we keep the prejudices aside and see in people more than what just meets the eye. Why can we just not live and let live?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

They used to say, dune bashing is not for me.

Hello people!

Day before yesterday I went to Desert safari with my sister and her husband. I forced them to go and chose desert safari instead of sea cruise. The reason? Well sea is so boring, specially when you're in the middle of it, on a boat and you just look forward to dinner! I mean it's perfectly romantic, but I couldn't be romantic in my sister and her husband's company, lol. So I chose adventure. And my choice paid off.

Initially, my sister was scaring me of how dreadful is the experience of dune bashing. How I will throw up time and again when the land cruiser goes up and down on the dunes. They even handed me some polythene bags so I don't end up with an embarrassing mess in the car! But to their shock and my amuse, I didn't vomit at all! Instead, I was having a lot of fun. I loved how dunes sent tickles through my gut, just the feeling that you get when you're on a ferris wheel or similar rides. It was amazing. And breathtaking too. I would gasp whenever the land cruiser would come to a steep position, scared to trip over. But the driver was trained and a professional. He would go zip-zap-zoom into the sand. Driving the car smoothly over the dunes, like a swan in a lake. Flawless.

So I'd like to tell all those people who think I am boring and not up for adventurous stuff -- lay off! :D

Friday, February 18, 2011

Coming back to life.

Having spent quite sometime in my cocoon, I finally decided to break the slumber and come up with a blog post. Thanks to Ahsan, who repeatedly reminded me of my unproductive attitude. This blog post is mainly going to be about what I am up to these days ...

Alright, so let's start with Natasha's newborn baby, Rayyan Shaikh. Officially the cutest carbon copy of Ahsan bhai(not the Ahsan I mentioned earlier, it's Natasha's husband this time). Anyway, I mostly spend my time these days playing with him and taking care of him. He does silly things which make me laugh my heart out. He would gaze at the roof and keep gazing until his eyes would not allow him to do so! Then when he's hungry, he wants his feed immediately. The funny part is, he doesn't even know how to cry. You know there are babies who are planning to rapture your eardrum every now and then. But this little guy doesn't even know how to properly cry. How cute.

And when you give him the bottle, he would spend the first few seconds, working up his head in order to fish the bottle. And then when he finally has it, he's so desperate to drink it. He wants to finish the milk in one go, literally. But then you have to pull out the bottle to burp him and mostly he'd regurgitate the milk on your shoulder or your back. That's cute too, at times only.

I am in UAE these days, racing from Sharjah to Dubai and Dubai to Sharjah to the residence of two of my sisters respectively. Both my sisters are darling, I must mention here. They take really good care of me. But at times, I get homesick. Then I goto the balcony and stand there for sometime. Still. Grasping the way of life here. People leading there lives as some marathon. Rushing to get something. I don't know what? So busy in their own worlds that they do not really bother what's happening around them. Totally apathetic. Not batting their eyelids. Going straight, like models on the ramp, indifferent to the crowd. I sometimes wonder if I'd be able to find my niche here. If I'd be able to materialize my dream of working here into a reality or not. Would I be able to match to their thresholds?

I guess I wouldn't mind though. Because Karachi -- where I come from, is quite a busy city too. With a lot of hullabaloo going on all the time. But life in Karachi varies. It's like, you can find your own place where you can get time to kneel down, relax, take a deep breath and further go on with your daily routine. Here, I guess, life doesn't give a chance to relax (to those who are working). Life is demanding here.

But there are good things too, like the Mamzar beach and the 'zafrani' tea or the mint chocolate chips ice cream at Baskin Robbins or a walk at Qasbah.

I have been planning to buy a good camera since so many days. A proper DSLR, to mention. I want to capture all these moments in my lens. Life at its best, frozen. You can roll them time and again, without worrying about the uncertainties of life. Who knows what happened to the person later when the picture was taken? The moment itself is lived and stored in the lens. Immortal. It's fun taking pictures.

Anyway, I hope I'd be able to blog regularly after this one. Hopefully everyday! (InshAllah)

Friday, January 7, 2011

What tickles my head.

Hey everyone,

Every now and then, life plays games. Perhaps its God's way of telling you to wake up and smell the coffee. Life keeps you on your toes. It's good in a way actually. Rather than being an unproductive person, lying/sleeping at home all day long, it's better to be tangled in things.

I, on the other hand, am very unproductive these days. I have my viva tomorrow which marks the end of my academics, and I am not working anywhere at the moment. So it doesn't gratify me to sleep all day long, wake up at odd timings, have breakfast when everyone else is done and lag for the remaining day. It's so sad actually.

It sort of instills the feeling of depression in me. Although I don't want to be depressed at all, definitely. A few days back, I wrote a blog entitled 'life hurts'. I am still in the feel of it. Although the incident has happened, everything is said and done, I still feel I should have gone an extra mile to prove what I am. I dislike myself for this actually. I take decisions and later on I regret. In this case, not that I could even do something, but I am still lost. Had I had a motivational cue, I would have surely discussed the matters with him. But I couldn't quite get a chance. Hhhh. Too much vagueness for now.

I have this other thing that is bothering me for long. I have always wanted to live a life of my own. To live free as a bird, to be on my own. Not really isolated and alone, but independent. Such a life has always inspired me. Ever since I was young, I wanted to complete my studies living in some dorm. Sometimes, I want to break free. I wish I could roam around freely.

Anyway, now I have a plan in my mind, I want to achieve this goal. I want to live and work independently before I end up getting married. I wish I could do that actually. I want to work for a good newspaper. Prove my worth as a journo and live and love my life.

There are just too many things that are tickling my mind at the moment. I just want them to fall at the right place and be beneficial for me.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I am famous!

Hey minions :p,

Today, in an attempt to find my blog, my sister typed in the keywords 'Sidrah Moiz Khan' and she told me wow Sidrah you're so famous :p. It means, technically, if people Google my name, they will exactly get me. Another 'feel good' element haha.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Finding the 'feel good' element.

Hello everyone,

Life is all about finding that one element which makes it beautiful. Life has different flavours to it -- sweetness, sourness, spice, bitterness -- you either get them in combinations or maybe sometimes you get to savour only one of it. But life is all about living up to the mark and enduring whatever comes in your way. Life is about living. Not giving up.

There are high and low tides. There are times when you feel like you're the king of the world, then there are times you feel you ain't got nothing. Your hands are empty and in front of you, lies a long, never-ending life. When you're happy, life becomes easy to live. but when you're not, it becomes really tough. Feels like it's stuck in your throat and you can't sink it in.

In times like these, it's very important to find the 'feel good' element in your life. Finding the feel good element is similar to finding pearls in shells. You have to explore. At times, you will get disappointment, but with passage of time, you do have enough experience to open only those shells which are sure to give you pearls.

Life is about small things as I always say. It's not about making big achievements. Cuz the end of the day, it's about mundane values. It doesn't matter if you're a CEO or a chairperson of an organization, you want to come back to peace and solitude. Not files and meetings. With all the insane things you do throughout the day, in the end, you want relaxation and relieve, and that can only be found in things that are not superficial. Things that can make you smile, that can ease the crease on your forehead, that can make you take a deep breath of relieve.

So how do you really find the 'feel good' element in your life? Well, it's not a set formula. It's different for everyone. It can vary. For me, it can be a scoop of mint ice-cream in winters, a cup of coffee in my lawn or maybe a pack of jellies. Or maybe the way I like to match my nose studs with the clothes I wear. Or maybe the locked-room self-modelling that I do. I like to click myself and laugh at the stupid poses I make later on. It can even be cleaning your room, talking with your parents, spending time with friends.

No matter how busy you are, take some time out for yourself. Spend some time with yourself. Show yourself some worth. Pamper yourself. Fix yourself a pedicure or a manicure. Take a long bath. Sleep for some more time when you feel like. Take naps. Wear good clothes even at home. And above all, eat carbs without thinking some time. :)

Life's good, only if you want it to be. Try to find those elements that make you happy and do them when you're caught in a low tide. Rise to a happy life.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Winters, badminton and numb fingers.


Winters are here and one thing that comes to your mind in winters after coffee/soup is badminton. Two days back, me and my friend Madiha went to buy racquets and shuttlecock. After literally fighting with the salesman, we got a discount of Rs. 50 and the pair of racquets cost us Rs. 200 that is a hundred buck for each racquet. Since we fought for concession on racquets, we fought for shuttlecock too :p. We got a Rs. 5 off, which made it Rs. 20 each.

Anyhow. Today, I got free with my exams. Well technically yes, and non technically no. Yes because all the 'tough' exams are over and now only a viva is left. The viva is going to be easy peasy. Or so we expect. The viva course is magazine production, so God knows what our course instructor will ask us! I hope I do good though because I don't have much good terms with the course instructor anymore. May God help me. Yes.

Anyway, our exam finished at 6 pm and we stayed in university till 8 pm. Because we wanted to have loads of fun. Me, Sarah, Samreen and Sumbul went to have food and then later on we went to our favourite spot -- football ground -- and spent our time there. Laughing, chatting, reminiscing.

As I came back home, I got a message from Madiha asking if we have plans to goto board office or not. I confirmed the plan and left to her place to pick her up. To our dismay, but as usual, a political person died in the city which caused upheaval and unrest. Madiha and I landed to my home, had some chit-chat and went into the lawn for the badminton session. We used a water pipe to make a line in between so we both would know who is on which side.

Initially, I was so cold that I couldn't type messages on my phone. I finally decided to quit the idea because my fingers were totally numb. So I thought concentrating on the game would be a better option.

Since we hadn't played for quite a lot of time our arm muscles went crazy. And in half an hour both of us had our muscles pulled. But as they say, nothing can stop sports(wo :p)manship. Not even pulled biceps, lol. We continued to play like crazy. More than seven times, our shuttlecock went outside the house and we had to find it in dark. After our zealous display of affection towards the game, we were joined by my brother Ali and his friend Ahsan. Both of them gave us that 'puppy dog look'. You know, when you want something, you act all innocent so the other person gets emotional and give it to you :p.

So it happened to us. We handed over the racquets to them. But lo and behold! Destruction started to pave its way in our game! Since they are tall and obvious strong (all boys are, comparatively to girls), they spoiled the whole thing. They served the shuttle so back that it started to lose its feathers. Well naturally, what else do you expect from a Rs. 25 shuttle, but I guess me and my friend were gentle enough. Soon enough, Ahsan's racquet got tangled with the electricity wire coming from the main pole outside, and as he pulled the racquet, the wire bended and literally hung over his head! I was so cross, but I cursed him in my heart.

It was all going fine when suddenly, he served with so much energy that the shuttlecock went outside. Never to be found. God knows where it went. We are still praying you do too, please :p. After sometime, I asked Ali to take a break so that I can play with Ahsan. And suddenly, I saw what can make anyone's hair stand on the arm. I saw the racquet detaching from its base and coming towards me. I didn't get enough time to react in my defense and the racquet hit me on my arm. Thank God, I was wearing a cardigan, which acted as my line of defense :p.

I was sooooo cross this time. Seriously. But I continued to play. Yes, the sports(wo)manship. Lol. We started around 12 am and ended up at 3:20 am. Gosh. We played like mad. Actually it was me who did. I played with everyone. Madiha, Ahsan and Ali. And finally, with one shuttlecock lost, the other one wrecked and one racquet broken, we finally decided to end the game.

But it was so much fun. So much, really. I loved it. I always love playing badminton. It's my sport. Makes me happy. And tomorrow, we begin again! Yes sirrrr!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Charlie St. Cloud.

Morning world,

These days I am spending my time by staying up all night long and wait for Fajr. Cuz if I sleep, I won't be able to get up early. So to kill my sleep, I usually watch movies. I usually do comedy, but yesterday, I just felt like watching this movie mentioned on Eddie bhai's blog. And man, whichever movie he recommends, turns out to be a classic. Really. I mean all the movies he tells me don't have to be box office classics, there can be personal classics too. You know what I am saying? I guess you are.

Anyway, this movie was magic, really. I was blown away. First and foremost, the reason which kept me watching the movie till the credits, was Charlie St. Cloud himself. Man he's cute. I am not into blue eyes, but woooo. He looked awesome. Anyway. The movie is about a sailor boy, Charlie, who is great at sailing and all. Personally, I don't like the concept cuz I am prone to sea sickness. I went on this cruise once which nearly made me throw up.

I didn't though.

The guy is awesome when it comes to sailing and gets a sailing scholarship from Stanford (I never knew they do sailing too). He makes a deal with his little brother, Sam St. Cloud, that he'll coach and help him with baseball. I though wondered how many skills he has :p. Anyway.

They go out on a drive when their car is hit by a truck and Sam dies in that accident, whereas Charlie, who almost died, gets a second chance to live. And that was where the story revolved around. There was a purpose why he was still alive. The paramedic who saved him was a follower of St. Jude.

Charlie starts living his life as a caretaker in the same graveyard where Sam was buried. There was a forest behind the graveyard, so every evening, Charlie would hear the canon fire and would run into the woods to meet his dead brother and practice baseball with him. This goes on for five years. Everyone thinks St. Cloud has lost it, but actually, he was driven away by emotions. Of keeping the promise and keeping up the deal with his dead brother. Charlie starts seeing the dead. Well not all of them, but some.

One day, he runs into a girl from his high school -- Tess. Tess was always inspired by Charlie. She envied him. So she saw him in the graveyard when she came to tell him off to keep his father's grave surrounded with flowers. Later on, she sees him at this bar just before she was leaving to sail around the world. She sails into the storm and her ship did not return for three days.

Meanwhile, back at the graveyard, Charlie interacted with her. Cuz obviously he can with people who are dead or are hanging by a thread in front of death, lol. They have dinner, they make out and stuff. Everything goes well. Just when he hears the canon fire and runs to see Sam. Sam was crying, cuz Charlie was late. He told him how lonely he felt when he realised that Charlie is not going to come. Charlie assured him that he'd around and just when he says that, Sam says, "then why'd you bring her with you?" Charlie turns around and finds Tess standing behind him. She asks him to come with her but he refuses and pulls his hand from hers.

Later that evening, Charlie hears a knock at his shed's door. The wife of that paramedic had come to meet Charlie. She hands him a locket with St. Jude engraved on it and she tells him that her dying husband told her to hand it to Charlie and that, that locket will give him the purpose.

And just when he was gazing at the locket, he sees a piece of paper with 'come find me' written on it. Just then he realises that Tess is alive. She's not dead. And he goes off to find her in the Pacific. As the evening breaks, the canon fires yet again and Sam waits for his brother to show up, but obviously he doesn't. Sam leaves for good and becomes a shooting star later on to guide Charlie :p. And lo, he finds her. Hugs her, resuscitates her and brings her back to life. He wakes up in a hospital. After recovering, he sails to Tess's house. He tells her that he's going to sail around the world and that if she would come along.

She refuses and tells him that she fears him. She gets these dreams. These visions of him and her together. Just when she was trying to put her feelings to words, he says a few lines from there 'paranormal' interaction. "Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backwards."

She turns around and he asks, "it's about taking chances. Take a chance Tess". He extends his hand towards her, she grabs it. And after some days (I dunno how long, camera went into fade-in and fade-out :p), they goto sail around the world happily. And that was the end.

Why are you reading further? I said that was THE END!