Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
SMS frenzy has caught everyone like the first wave of flu in winters. One always observes new trends in the messages that are forwarded (read: bombarded) in abundance to your mobile. Every time, a new character or issue is introduced and then your mobile phone is full of such messages. 'Kisne kaha tha pepsi pe paanch rupay kam kerdo?' was the most repeated SMS this Ramadan. Other than that, Zardari, Sherry Rehman and other political personalities have always been a target.
One character that wasn't that famous a person as a poet, became extremely famous when SMS from his name were floated. Yes, I am talking about none other than Faraz. Faraz SMS won everyone's heart. And, to confess, I also became a fan. These SMS were funny, witty and totally out of the blue. I loved them.
My life was going happy when the TV personality I despised the most (with due respect) -- Zubaida aapa -- became the new face of forwarded SMS. And God, people screwed her totally :p. Like really. Zubaida aapa k economic totkay, cute totkay, charseelay totkay and God knows what's gonna happen next. Whenever I wake up, I at least have 3-4 Zubaida aapa messages. She's totally on everywhere.
I really liked one of the Zubaida aapa SMS, that said: "Agar aapke bache k payt mein keeray hojayen toh uske pamper mein biscuit rakhdein, jese hi keera biscuit khanay aaye usay pakarr lein". HAHAHA. I mean for Heaven's sake. Who can think of such stuff man?! These bizarre jokes make you laugh. One has to confess! And I don't mind if my phone is full of Zubaida aapa's messages. It at least brings a smile on my face. Thank you SMS spammers!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Yesterday was a busy busy day, even today. Which left me with no energy to blog. Anyway, I am back with a bang now. Well not quite so. Cuz I've been disturbed about something. I attended two mehndis yesterday. One was of my phuppo's son and the gathering was limited to only close family members. First blood relations. Anyway. The mehndi number two was of my father's college friend's son. It was grand. Like Grand with a capital G :p.
The arrangement and everything was rather extravagant. Probably they spent around 2.5 lacs to arrange all those stuff -- dance floor, disco lights, extremely pretty looking floral stage and the grand grand tent (I wouldn't want to call it a tent, it didn't look like one). The fabric was so beautiful. Off-white, flowy. There were mirrors around the place. The dinner had a wide variety. I only ate desserts though because I couldn't help but fill my gut with the chocolate mousse pastries and coffee. Lol.
Anyway. So, everything was wonderful. The atmosphere, aura -- everything. Just one thing got me disturbed. I was like whoa. What the hell. It was when they announced the audience to settle down because the dances were going to begin. All of a sudden, two hijaabis started to dance on Sheela ki jawani (yes, that lame song that I have discussed about earlier). I was taken aback. Like seriously. Not that I am being narrow-minded or something, I just feel like dancing in public is NOT for hijaabis. I dunno why. (And by that, I am not advocating dancing the non-hijaabis dance in public).
Actually, maybe, I know why. It's because, if girls decide not to show their hair and body parts to namehram, it should be a no-no for them to dance in front of so many of them. And the number wasn't even sober seriously. They were wearing these black hats incorporated with white shirts and black ties (over what they were actually wearing). And then they started dancing. Bleh. I felt those chocolate mousse pastries burning in my gut, lol. Seriously.
I didn't like the idea of dancing hijaabis. They just don't belong. Hhhh. Just when I was being sour on this, the music changed and other girls started to dance. Meanwhile, these hijaabis were getting ready for their next move. The music started again, this time it was an Arabic tune and these hijaabis had those tinkling belts around their waists for belly dancing. Sweet mother of nature, BELLY DANCING?!
I am against the so very concept of such awkward dance routines in mehndis. And hijaabis just added to my rage. I couldn't digest it honestly. The biggest reason being that I am also a hijaabi. I cannot see girls who do hijaab bringing such filth to the concept. Seriously. Again they started to dance on 'zor ka jhatkka haaye zoron se laga' and this time, it was a duo. They were booty-to-booty with guys. This just stirred this eerie feeling of anger/contempt/embarrassment/sadness in me.
I still cannot properly put my feelings into words. But the bottom line remains that if a girl starts to dress decently or decides to take hijaab, it becomes a responsibility for her to carry it out in such a way that she inspires people. Not confuse them obviously. Because they themselves looked confused. Bring right and walking on the wrong track. May Allah help us better understand the concepts and philosophies Islam has to offer.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a self-proclaimed best example of a hijaabi, I also have a lot of faults in me. These are my views, you might as though differ.
Monday, December 20, 2010
I am a person who doesn't get to dream a lot. By that I meant literal dreams. But whenever I do, they keep haunting me till the end of the day. The dreams that I get are usually very disturbing in nature. For example, I'd mostly see burglars breaking in my home or I'd see someone snatching my mobile. I also see traces from my past. People that have gone from my life. I see their faces. I see myself interacting with them.
It somewhat leaves me numb when I wake up. I get weird feelings about the dreams I get. Because they just pull me out of my deep slumber. I lay soundless for hours, gazing at the roof, until sleep overcomes me again. In my dreams, to my surprise, there is never anything positive to mention. People say dreams come true but totally opposite to how we see them. Like people say, if we see someone dying in the dream, it actually means that that person will have a long life.
God knows how much truth do these notions hold but I guess I end up buying them in order to gratify myself. It's good for a jhooti tassalli. I don't share my dreams with anyone though. If I am rather too disturbed, I'd probably share it with my mother. I feel a bit light then. But my mother doesn't. Cuz mothers are mothers after all! She always tells me to keep my room clean (in case I am bugged by some supernatural being). I laugh it off. I keep telling her I am not pretty enough that a jinn would fall in love with me.
Hhhh, anyway. You know, such dreams are rare though, cuz dreaming as a matter of fact is a rarity for me. But they leave me disturbed. I hate waking up whenever I see such a dream. Cuz when I do, despite the fact that my eyes are burning, I cannot go back to sleep. I have to stay up till slumber creeps on me.
Also, my mother keeps telling me that you watch that hideous cartoon, Courage the Cowardly Dog, that is why you get such odd dreams. Ummm, well maybe her speculations hold some substance. But I don't think I am obsessed to it to a level that it can alter my dream patterns. I recite La Haul and wait so that I can sleep.
I wish sometimes, that if dreaming for me is so rare, I wouldn't have ever gotten dreams. Cuz they leave me disturbed, it's better if I don't get them anyway!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Today, I am going to blog about things that I like or like to do. Be patient and enjoy ()
- I like to sit on the swing and take it really high so that I can stain the wall with my shoes.
- I like to drink coffee even when it’s summertime.
- I like my rubber-ish mobile cover and all the stickers on it.
- I like Knorr chili garlic sauce. I can even eat it just like that. Without anything else.
- I like popcorns.
- When I am having off-days, I like to lie on the sofa and yawn all day long.
- I like to clean my room once in a while.
- I like to collect stuff that I absolutely wouldn’t need.
- I like shoes.
- I like watches.
- I like to dip Gluco biscuit in tea.
- I like to send SMS.
- I like to laugh about things that have happened when I remember them.
- I like this mithayi. I dunno what is the real name of it. I like calling it ‘shakar wala pairra’.
- I like to collect pink things. My room is full of pink stuff.
- I like black too. And silver and gold.
- I like cooking.
- I like thinking about making different desserts.
- I like the sea.
- I like chocolates but only a few. I am selective. I like mint chocolates, orange chocolates, hazelnut chocolates and snickers-like chocolates.
- I like this chocolate-orange cake at Gelato Affair.
- I like to travel alone.
- I like rains.
- I like corns.
- I like my family.
- I like to dip French fries in chicken corn soup and eat it.
- I like those white sugary biscuits. I dunno what you call them, but I like them a lot.
- I like to watch cartoons.
- I like to ummm. OK that’s it.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The other day, me and my papa were waiting in our car outside a department store near my house as my brother went inside to get some stuff. It was off-time for schools, hence a lot of vans went past us. One of them however, seemed to be coming back from a picnic or something. There were students inside the van, ranging from ages 12-15 approximately. They seemed to be having fun and everyone inside seemed happy.
I was looking outside the car's window, smiling at them. When suddenly, my smiling jaw dropped after hearing the type of sleazy music playing in the van. The most repeated number, of course, was Munni Badnaam Hui. I was taken aback. I felt so bad for those poor little children and what sort of environment they are exposed to. After Munni Badnaam, the next song that played was Sheela ki jawaani! I mean for heaven's sake! Have singers like A-teens and Aqua died? Whose songs we listened to whilst we grew up. Or our Pakistani alternative used to be Koko Koreena and Ucchiyan majajan wali. Things weren't as bad!
OK, I am not from a very old generation but when I was young, we at least heard decent songs. Our generation didn't shake booties on Munni Badnaam or Sheela ki Jawani. They are far too vulgar, seriously! At this vulnerable age, children have sensitive minds which, when molded, can take up any shape you give them. If you want to shape them into good, decent and well-behaved individuals, you have to nurture them in the similar way. Not by getting them exposed to the lethal Hindi music with vulgar lyrics and even more vulgar videos.
This is actually the culture we are imparting in our coming generation. And if it continues to be so, we will have a much more maligned society than we have now. Because the corrupt society of today is a living example of how Indian culture is spoiling the young generation and the generations to come. Which also reminds me, last week, I went to buy halwa poori breakfast with my brothers. As both of them stepped out and stood in the queue, I saw a tuition academy next to it. Since I was waiting in the car, I actually got some time to observe how the new generation has become.
Checking out girls (or checking out boys for girls) was practiced during my time too but only discreetly and under the cover. It wasn't so open. I remember, if a guy wanted to come up and ask for friendship, he had to befriend a girl first and then send a message via her friend to you, to become friends with him. This long and tiring process at least saved up the dirt that surrounds the academies now. Teenagers seem to be having no other topic than dating and exchanging mobile phone numbers so that they can talk whole night long (thanks to the night packages).
The 'dhaai rupay ghanta' hasn't done no good to our innocent students and teens. Literally, when I was observing the girls, they looked far older than their ages, mainly because of the amount of makeup they had used and secondly, their shaped brows. I am not at all against shaped brows, but shaping your brows when you are still in school/high school was considered a taboo in my days. OK, before you burst out saying my days are gone, let me remind you that I did away my schooling in 2004 and my high school in 2006. So I am not as old as I might sound. The only difference is, the outburst and spread of vulgarity in the society has happened exponentially. The growth it has shown, and the penetration is massive. Really massive. It seems uncontrollable at times.
What I feel bad about is that parents have become numb now. I wonder what mothers are doing (with all the respect to each one of them) when their young and innocent daughters dress to kill when they are going out for tuitions or acquisition of knowledge. Or what are the fathers doing when they catch their sons red-handed with cigarettes or equally harming alternatives? Yes again, things like these prevailed in my time too, the only difference was that they were not as open as they are today, which makes the situation worse.
The parents, teachers and elder siblings should take a hold of the matter seriously now. Take these vulgar songs away from them so that none of the young 12-year old girls would like to dance on an item number like Munni Badnaam not just in front of the male class fellows, but the van drivers! And the situation is much more grave than what I have described here. Cuz whatever I have told or jotted down is mere observation. It's all on the surface. What lies under the ugly face of the facade might have another uglier story to tell.
God help us all! Please :-(.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Today with my cup of black coffee in the morning, I decided to skim through the classified pages from Sunday's Dawn newspaper. I quickly rolled over the ever-thinning jobs section. To my dismay, each time I open the jobs section, I find opportunities that are not within my reach. And it's obviously sad because the industry demands for people who come out graduating from the 'big names' of the education sector. Most of the ads you read have these words: ‘LUMS or IBA graduate required’. And if you don’t belong to these business schools, you’re definitely not their priority! The education fraternity in Pakistan is still malnourished. The standards of our universities do not meet the international criteria and do not qualify to be named in good words.
Only a handful of universities are deemed as 'good' universities and the remaining are considered as underdogs, and the students enrolled as underachievers. So what makes a certain university good and its students creme de' la creme? I guess the matter of the fact remains that the education elite of Pakistan is primarily those who can afford to be educated. The affluent can get themselves enrolled in the much-too-expensive universities or obviously they always have the backup plan ― go abroad and study there.
Now the remaining ones are those who can go to an extent to afford higher education or then there are those who simply cannot do it and end up at various ‘cheaper’ but obviously unequal alternatives. The middle-class people can take the risk of investing a great deal of their fortune in their children’s education reckoning that one day they will get the return of their investments and things will turn in their favour.
I used to teach in one of the biggest schooling networks of Pakistan and it was of a (pleasant) surprise to me that mostly parents that came to drop their children to school, usually used a bike or rickshaw as a means of transport. Initially, I used to think that perhaps bikes and rickshaws can zoom-in and pave their way in the traffic easily which is why they choose it as a means of transport, but later on, as I happened to go through the personal files of the children including their background information, I found out that it was totally different than what I used to think.
The families actually couldn’t afford to get their children enrolled in such expensive schools, but they did. Because they didn’t want to compromise on their children’s future. Well, I felt happy about it because in a way it is a very positive decision. But on the other hand, I would feel depressed for those people who cannot afford to take such decisions because their limited resources do not allow them to do so.
So now, what actually is the outcome of this disturbed equilibrium of the education system of Pakistan? We are not capitalizing on the current human resource. The employers keep filtering the potential candidates on the basis of the label they carry. IBA, LUMS, GIK and yadda yadda. The list goes on. The employers need to realise that there is an enormous chasm between the haves and the have-nots and some people can actually have inborn talent and an unmatched IQ even if they have not studied from a top-notch university.
Education is not ‘better’ for everyone. Better education demands affordability, not only in Pakistan but elsewhere too. Therefore, the employers should keep this notion in mind whilst hiring somebody, that Pakistan only has a handful of good universities and not everyone can afford to be there. Therefore, rather than labeling the human resource and defining their worth only by the university they’ve come from is mere foolishness. Capitalize on the given resources and we will definitely break the barriers.
When such criteria are put aside for sometime and unbiased, fulfilling jobs are offered, I guess we will have a better Pakistan to talk about and people will not have to leave their homeland for better prospects abroad!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
As said earlier in my blogs, I am not at all a great fan of 'mardana' mentality. I am strictly against male chauvinism. I dunno why men think there's a parity between the two genders. Men, women are different from you, but it doesn't make them weaker or inferior to you. They are just different. Please understand!
Today, me and my sister along with a friend of mine went to The Forum mall in Clifton. We couldn't find any parking in the facade, hence we had we had to park in the streets. So there was this parking which we found after roaming in the streets for long in search of parking. Just as I parked the car and pulled the hand break, a 15 year old Afgani boy came and said, "Yehan nah park kero!" (Don't park here!). I was taken aback. I tried to understand his revolt against me parking at that particular place.
I asked in return, "Kya hua?" (what happened?) To my perplexity, he couldn't come up with any good reason. I told him "Main toh yahin park keroongi, tumhain kya masla hai?"(I am gonna park here only, what's wrong with you?).
As expected, he pulled angry faces at me. I ignored and asked my fellows to keep walking and ignore him. After a long and tiring episode of shopping, we came back to our car, with the front tyres punctured. Yes. Read again. The front tyres punctured! I was so cross at what had happened, because the only suspect was that Afgani boy. I felt so bad. Because this is what you get as an outcome of not listening to a man (at least mostly, exceptions are there).
I dunno when this mentality is going to end and when men will understand the difference between being different and being inferior?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
People say, relationship has to go through big challenges. It has to undergo phases of love, growth and understandability. It calls for big things -- big sacrifices, big patience, big tolerance and big mercy. I beg to differ. I think a best relationship is made up of bits and pieces. Of small things. Of things which leave a soothing impact on your memory. Which comforts you in your times of dismay. One doesn't necessarily have to owe huge compromises in order to proves the depth of one's love.
Love is about connecting with each other. And seriously, I don't believe in the notion 'feeling the unsaid'. One needs to say everything one has in one's heart. One shouldn't leave things for the other to feel. Some things can be felt like warmth, love and emotions. But few other things are actually meant for telling and connecting with your soulmate.
I am a girl who believes in savouring little treats of life. Like a smile shared when you two are stuck in traffic, just to ease the creases on one's forehead. The appreciative nod when you say something in front of a bunch of people and you know he admires you for what you've said and has respect for you in his heart. When everyone is trying to tease him and mock him, you defend him. You go and thrash everyone, shielding him.
These small things are like a salt of relationship. Without these small things, relationship feels tasteless. Like something is missing. Like you have not ended up with your soulmate. Because you fail to connect.
Connecting matters I believe. Telling small little details to one another makes a relationship stronger and long lasting.
Mothers are a very vital component of a home, nay? Well at least, my mother is! It's like the whole world stops when she's not around. Lately, when she was off to my sister's home for nearly 4 days, everything seemed somber things couldn't seem to work out somehow. Piled up dishes, dirty home, unwashed clothes, no food. Hhhh. It is so difficult to spend life without ammi!
But as they say, difficult time is a great teacher. It teaches you a lot of things. Even teaches a lazy being as me, some sense of responsibility. And I can proudly declare that in the absence of ammi, I managed to keep the home clean very effectively. I'd keep the kitchen gleaming, the floors smelling great (thanks to dettol multipurpose cleaner with rose fragrance :p) and did all other chores too. Yes, including sweeping and mopping.
And believe me, it's not all difficult once you get on the work. It's actually fun to work. And an unorganized girl like me can also discover the bug of sanitation inside. I never realised how much joy does a clean, shining kitchen can give. How much good you feel when you watch TV in a neat and tidy lounge. It's good, really.
And even now when ammi has come, I insist to do the dishes and clean the kitchen at least. I like tidying up things there. Cleaning the stove, doing the dishes, and rose-smelling slabs are so satisfying :p. Really. I don't care about my moisturised hands. I forget that I recently trimmed my cuticle or did manicure or how lemon max can destroy the suppleness of my hands. I stand proudly after cleaning the whole kitchen and utterly enjoy the compliments I get from ammi and papa.
And yes, every other lazy, unorganised girl can have a bug of sanitation in herself. It's just about discovering, regardless of the reason of discovery :).
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I was doing the dishes when this thought occurred to my mind that if a journalist can make a good wife or not. Lol. This might sound funny to you, but let me break it down to make it more comprehensible. Sir Humair always tells us that a journalist should keep the element of doubt present and never to take things on face value. Try to find the intricate meanings and try to read between the lines. Have a cynical approach towards life. These are probably the traits most hated by men.
As a journalist, I have also started to read between the lines and have a doubtful view to just about anything. If this continues to be the same, I am sure to get my husband irritated by my habit because men are so not pleased by all such characteristics.
There are a few very basic situations in which a journalist wife can doubt her husband. For example, the husband tells his wife that he'll be home late tonight and she should not wait for him at the dinner table. The journalist wife will try to gather her facts first. She'd try to ask the husband about the nature of work, the time he'd stay in the office. Then the wife would call in the office and confirm about his husband, by only taking his name and not disclosing her identity.
When he'd get back home, she'll go in the parking to check if the engine is really hot or mildly hot. Because if it is really hot then it means that the car had gone for a long drive. Then she'd check the interiors if the car has any faintest clue of a feminine fragrance. She'd then check for files -- work done under the same date. Then furthermore, she'd check for any receipts of any restaurant or boutique.
And the suspicions will go on and on and on ...
Therefore, the level of doubt instilled in a journalist during the academic years might be harmful for one's marital relationships or so I think. There can be another perspective to it also, so keep your element of doubt awaken and don't take whatever I have written on face value!
PS. This might be the same for the guys too, but guys are always full of doubts, so why state the obvious? Lol.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
During the exam, all of us had either our cellphones or handouts put on our lap. The exam went pathetic of course, but the adventure of cheating in exam is definitely incomparable to anything else! After getting through with the exam, all four of us -- Sarah, me, Sam and Sumbul -- went to Sufi dhaaba. We ordered nehari and aloo palak. Both of them -- as expected -- were awesome! We asked the waiter for garebi (refill). We ordered an extra roti and everyone had a quarter of it.
After our dinner we had doodh patti(tea) and went off to wander in the university. We spoke and laugh at the peak of our lungs and decided to goto this juice shop for soup. We had chicken and corn soup with French fries. The soup was excellent. All four of us became emotional all of a sudden wondering this all would end soon as we have only four more exams to do away with.
After our soup session we all bid goodbyes to each other. University days are no more gonna be there. I am sure going to enjoy all this. Never am I going to forget these times cuz surely, these four years were the best years if my life!
Life is always in the wake of finding and losing people. It's just like the cycle of life. Some people have to go to leave room for others to come. But some people are there for good. They stick to you. Like elfy ka payedaar jorr :p.
Eddie bhai, like many such people, is one who holds a fixed place in my life. We don't talk much anymore, but whenever we do, it's like a beginning of a new chapter. It's like, when I am going through old pictures or thinking about old times, I come across his memories which suddenly roll back the wheel of time and I stand right in front of him, smiling. It's such a lovely feeling you know. When someone can do that.
Although, in such a fast paced life, one often forgets the people around and really, it's very hard to keep up with people and that is why you just stop talking to them. And thanks to eddie bhai, he provides me with that comfort that actually relaxes me for a time and I know in my heart that OK even if I am not able to get time out for him, when I get back to him we are sure to talk! And that is what literally happens.
At times, it's like months pass by and then a text from either side can come saying hello and that is it. We're more easy with each other now actually. We've grown well with time. And his presence in my life is not as subtle as you might think. He's there. Like a backup memory when my hard disk might crash. LOL. Thanks Eddie bhai :p.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I am blogging after a long long pause, lol. Anyway, it was the eve of 4th December 2010, when batch 2007-11 of Mass Communication department, celebrated their annual dinner. It was a lot of fun but obviously involved a lot of legwork.
Kashif, Zain Nabi, Zain-ul-Abideen, Talal Bin Ayub, Youmna Ghori and Azher were a great great support. Thank to Noreen Shams also, she gave us the strength to prove ourselves and what we can do.
All in all the event went so well, hamdulillah! The gathering, the food, the arrangement, everything was really really good. I will miss all my class fellows!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Lately, what just happened, is a prime example of stupidity. Duh. After all the legwork done, all the runs and all the 'jugarrs' applied, the eventual outcome was a dinner in the department? Come on! I guess I have vented enough and I needn't waste my time on people who are not definitely worth the effort.
Today was my exam. Creative journalism. Wasn't as creative throughout the semester though. The sessions I attended were just cries and rants. Nothing on the learning side. Which is why I avoided attending the sessions. In my believe, Sir Humair was THE only consistent teacher who taught us properly and whatever he spoke made sense and had substance. The rest was just like piling on more bullshit and shoveling it in students' faces!
I am so cross at the moment. Lol. Hhhh. Relaxxxx Sidrahhhh. Easyyyyyy.
The exam went well but I dunno what was wrong today with our course instructor. She was alright when she used to take the class. Today, surprisingly, she was exasperated. Irritated. And angry too. She was not in the right mood perhaps. I did my exam I ran towards the office to take print outs to be put in my portfolio. I ran back to the class to submit it to her, but she had already bound all the assignments together with a jute rope sort of a thing (as observed generally in KU).
Just as I was trying to somewhat put it in the tied pile, she started to tell me off. "What sort of people you are. I mean really. This is the height of it. Kuch gher pe nae sikhaya gaya kya? (Aren't you taught anything at home?)
Duh. No ma'am, you weren't there at my home so I couldn't really understand which bird's name is 'ethics'. (Lol what a literal translation :p.)
For a good thing, I am going with my sister and cousin to watch a movie. Will have nachos. Haaye nachos :(. I crave them like anything right now. The show's timings are odd though. 11 pm to 1 pm. But whatever it is, I am sure we will have fun.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
It's comparatively a good day today. Maybe. Well I am preoccupied with a tension, but what just happened with me in the van is supposed to be mentioned in good words. Anyway. That 'anchor' person that I spoke about earlier is not as bitchy as I deemed her to be. Today, when the van picked me up, we drove towards her house to pick her up.
She sat with a smile this time. She was down-to-Earth. Kind. Talking. I felt a change. I smiled back, I spoke kind words too, complimented her. Actually promised her that I will tell my friends about her Facebook page. Good for a start, nay?
I felt sorry in my heart that I thought wrong things about her. I mistook her gestures. Misjudged her.
But to make up for that, I talked to her. According to her, she hates people who talk in 'Hinglish', drink black coffee and smoke. I don't do smoking but surely do the other two. She said it can be tolerated. I was thankful :p.
Life for me these days, is a bit harsh and a bit nice. Just when I realise that things are not going my way, something or the other happens in my favour. On the brink of my university's last days and in the process of losing friends and finding new ones, I realise relationships are temporary in today's world. They don't hold as much substance as they used to back in old times. Which is why we see a growth in divorce rates. Sad isn't it? How people end up things so quickly? And how things come to an end. But a wise friend of mine said that this is the beauty of life. This is how the cycle of life goes on. We cannot change it and we are no one to change it.
My newborn bhanja is in ICU. May Allah give him health and may he recovers soon, amen. Loads of tensions these days. But alhamdulillah, summa alhamdulillah, I am content.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Finally the last day of university. I dunno how it is so impossible for me to sink in. I just dunno how to react to this. I have mixed emotions. Dismay and glee. I wish I was able to comprehend my own feelings and somehow word them. But I cannot. My mind is clogged with memories from past.
I feel like that child who cries a lot to get a toy, then when she gets it she loses interest. And finally when it's taken away, she starts to cry for it all over again. It feels just yesterday that I was enrolled in the University of Karachi :(. How come four years slipped away from my hands? It all happened so fast that now when I look back, it seems as if I enjoyed nothing at all. My university life has come to an end. EVERYTHING has come to an end. The walks, the juice, Sir Humair's sessions. Everything.
I don't have anything to look up to now. I mean what's left? Just my job? No fun?! Tsk. What do I do :(. I woke up today and realised I don't have to go to university today. That's the freakiest thing I can imagine :(.
Monday, November 29, 2010
I feel nostalgic today. I feel like turning the pages of history and looking back in time. I cried so bad last night because it was my second last day of the four years I spent in University of Karachi. It's like there was a rundown of lost and found in my mind. I feel so damn emotional. Seriously!
Of all the people I'd miss Sir Humair and Sir Fahim will be on top of the list actually. Cuz I cannot just forget them this easily. I consider them as my mentors. They taught me a lot.
Yesterday, as I was driving through university, my eyes were misty. Because I felt like it's all going to end very soon and I won't be able to roam around in university again. Obviously like I can come in anytime and roam around but not as a formal student. Which makes my heart sink :(.
Prem gali, football ground, ISPA, pharmacy, relaxy juice spot, food science. OMG. There is so much that I am leaving behind :(. My soul, my memories, my friends. Cuz naturally when you graduate you don't quite stay in touch that much. I feel so low at the moment :(.
I did a very wrong thing yesterday. I know it and I do realize it, in contrast to how I am, I wanted to say it too. I wanted to express my dismay over my silly decision, but let’s just see if it was silly enough. Lately, my nature has become consistently inconsistent. I have severe mood swings and I dunno how to tame myself when it erupts.
Last night, I had a very bad mood swing. You know, sometimes you just want attention from that one person and he fails to deliver that. Sadly enough, other people around you start giving you that attention. It is like this with me. I feel really bad because if I want something from someone then I’d only want it from that particular person. Other people around me, giving me attention and love won’t help fill the void.
I guess it’s quite normal? Isn’t it? Or maybe it isn’t. And maybe that is why I just called off with one of my friends yesterday. My mood swings being the reason. I don’t want to pour my anger out on someone each time I feel bad. Neither they deserve it, nor would I like to do it. I want to be contained, able to gulp my exasperation on my own. I don’t want to make anyone the victim of my mood swings. Especially when someone doesn’t deserve such behaviour.
Hence, I think, my life without good people is better than my life with good people and me hurting them. I am sorry. I know I did wrong but seriously, I don’t want to victimize you anymore.
I felt so bad that I cried and cried until I ran short on breath. I fished my inhaler from my bag and puffed it in. I couldn't regain my breath because I broke into hiccups. Sleeping at 3 am was just an eventuality. It happened. I didn't know when I slept.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Don't you just hate it when someone is like bursting at the seams and have so much of pride that they cannot contain it in themselves? Every morning, I am the first one to be picked by the van. And the third person is that make-up girl. We actually had good talking-terms but lately, after that incident, things have become a bit hard to handle on both the ends.
We used to talk a lot to each other as the van would reach the office, but since last 2 days, we can only manage to say salaam to each other. That is where we stand now, where we can not stand each other (wah kya line hai). Anyway, so today she entered the van. Saima was not in the van today, so it was just me and her. She sat in the van and said salaam to me which sounded more like a murmur. I ignored, smiled, and replied.
As the van continued its journey towards the office, both of us sat estranged to each other -- looking outside our windows. She didn't bother saying anything and for obvious reasons, I did the same. I realised in my heart how people change with situations. How their perspectives can change too. And (why stating the obvious?) their behaviours.
I thought how long would it continue. Is this a start of a vendetta? I mean, we will pull faces at each other, sitting opposite to each other and won't talk, wouldn't bother filling the log book for each other and won't do other small favours that we used to extend to each other. Sad situation, I felt. But obviously, if she’s showing me attitude after what happened, then I am definitely not the person to initiate talking to her. Although, I don’t mind such things, but this time, I do have my reservations!
Anyway, a good thing to add after all the whining is that my sister gave birth to a baby boy. They named him Muhammad Ibrahim (mashAllah). Although, I can never quite understand the features of a new born baby, but he looked beautiful. Yes. He didn’t have a wrinkled skin or rashes or pimple-like things =\. He was pretty : ). I took loads of pictures yesterday. My sister was also looking good. She didn’t have a swollen nose, or pigmented skin or that weary look that usually women have after giving birth.
MashAllah, both the child and the mother looked beautiful. Muneeb bhai (the father), kept walking in the corridor until the doctor came outside and said in a filmy way, “Mubarik ho, aapko beta hua hai” :p. The gynaecologist proclaimed that this is my couple of the year. Maybe she was not making it up, but I dunno why I felt that it was the “lie” of the year. HAHA!
Anyway, I need to get down to business. Time to do some work. Will upload my nephew’s pictures soon, inshAllah.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I can proclaim today as the worst day of my life, but I won't. You would probably think that such a whining person like me is saying such a positive thing? Lol. Yeah but sometimes you have to think positive and look at the bigger picture in life. Although it was such a slow and unproductive day, definitely not worth a whoop.
The main reason why I ignored the little mishaps today in the office was simply because I laughed a lot in the office today. Maybe that was just because I didn't have much to do. But who cares?! (As Sir Humair says)
There are a lot of politics going on in the office. The make-up girl and this 'anchor' girl are eating me up. Like literally. I just don't understand why people can not mind their own business at times and keep poking in your matters. Basically, it all started when I was waiting for van yesterday and there was no car available in the office.
I called in my colleague and asked him to break his shoot and pick me up from office and he can drop me on his way to his shoot again. Gladly, he agreed, but sadly, it couldn't work out. Let me explain how. After one and half hour of waiting, my colleague, Azfar bhai, arrived. He told me to come out and if there is anyone else to be dropped then they can tag along as well. That is what was done wrong in the whole situation!
I was stupid enough to goto the make-up and anchor girl and ask them if they have to go. They actually wanted to go but they had ordered tea for themselves. And the anchor girl gave me dirty looks and said, "when you have waited for so long, why are you fretting to stay for 20 more minutes". Firstly (bitch), I am not your personal servant. Secondly, I am your colleague. Not even your sub-ordinate that you are trying to rule things on me. Thirdly, it was I who asked for the car otherwise you wouldn't be going home this early. And last but not the least, an average tea costs between Rs. 15-20, you shouldn't waste someone's favour for that petty an amount!
I was so exasperated. On her self-conceited behaviour and her rude reply to what I had said. I decided not to be angry and take it easy on me. Maybe she didn't mean it the way she said it. Or maybe I was already so angry that I was being judgemental towards her. Whatever the case it was, in the end it was I who had to suffer cuz of them and their TEA!
I had to leave early for university and I decided to take a rickshaw home. I apologised to Azfar bhai for spoiling his shoot but who can stop the inevitable? And later in the day, I read this quote in the newspaper:
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people. But the silence of good people!"
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
If you take me for my face value, you are surely going to regret. Because I am definitely not as confident as I look like. I am very sheepish from inside. I usually shy away from things. There are many instances in which I prefer staying quiet and even if I want to say, I can't muster courage to do so. Instances like these have always kept me on backfoot in my home. I have always been quiet when it comes to discussions and a laggard when someone asks for opinions.
I am hesitant in my own home. Whereas, I am not the same me when I am outside. The environment outside my home brings out the best in me. Or so I believe. It has always been like that. Ever since I was young. I always feared discussions with my parents. I always hesitated in sharing my feelings to my siblings (except for Natasha). But usually, I had and still do have this fear that they will judge me. They will think I am doing something wrong. I know it isn't like that, but who can justify feelings after all?
It was yesterday that I was watching 'Kaun banega crorepati' hosted by Amitabh Bachhan. I usually don't like reality shows cuz I have a perception that they are far from reality. Anyway, just when I was watching the show, my father walked in my room and said "Aap se toh mulaakat hi nae hoti ab!" (We don't get to meet you now). I hesitated. I said no, not really. I just said salaam to you. He said "my point too. I think we talk very less now. I don't quite remember when was the last time we spoke properly". I sank in my bed with embarrassment. I know what he said was right, but my bad, I couldn't and didn't respond properly.
Rather than clearing out his confusion in this regard, I chose to stay silent. A voice inside of me was telling me to tell him, to communicate with him, to connect. But I am so bad when it comes to close relationships. I hesitate in wording my feelings. In saying them. I wanted to tell him that I am sorry, I too missed him but my schedule is as mad as a bag of hungry squirrels. But I remained silent. Tsk.
Then he kept talking, asking me for updates -- university and job et cetra. I told him in terse replies. I was actually choosing words, which was obvious in my voice. I went 'ahh', 'err', 'hmmm' again and again. My father SO dislikes that! After tolerating me for sometime, he finally said what I was expecting to hear, "You can go in your room if you feel like, because I am getting a feeling that you are not in a mood to talk". Defensively, I said, "No, it's not that. Maybe I am tired. I can't get enough energy to talk properly". He shrugged in dismay and said, "Well in that case, I don't want to torture you by keeping you here. You may leave".
I was frozen. Stuck to the chair I was sitting on. I felt SOOO bad! I cursed myself in heart. Why Sidrah?! Why? Why are you so hesitant in expressing your feelings? Why can't you enjoy laughing with your father?
I stood up and walked to my room, slouching. I couldn't walk properly. I was so tired that I felt my feet trembling. I felt both sorry and bad that I am such a loser. I didn't sympathise with myself though. I was very angry to myself. I still am. And this feeling is going to linger for at least a day, I am sure. I don't wanna think/talk all negative, but I guess I am just not having my days these days.
Monday, November 22, 2010
There was a flood inside of me. I sat on my bed. Silent crept in my room. The aching void of the room was killing me. It was deafening. I recited lahaul and tried to get back to sleep. When I woke up in the morn, I had a very bad hangover. Fighting against myself, I stepped out of the bed, whining about winters and the pathetic feeling you get just when you get out of the bed.
I proceeded towards the washroom, and kept the water running from the tap for sometime in an attempt to get warm water :p. My attempt was a failure, subdued I surrended to the bitter coldness of the water. I splashed some on my face in order to get accustomed to the eerie feeling of it. I did my wudhu and came out and said prayers.
To my surprise and totally in contradiction to my usual behaviour, I had ironed my clothes already in the night. Therefore, I didn't have to run in my home like crazy. I lazily went to the kitchen, relaxed that my clothes are ironed, started to make breakfast for me. Damn, I realised that I was properly having breakfast after a long long while. Anyway, I put the saucepan on the flame and put some wheat oats and milk and waited for my porridge to become creamy. I like it creamy. And you know, if you put in a pinch of salt, it gives you the perfect taste. Cuz you know, salt is that element which binds all the tastes together.
Anyway, I ate my porridge in silence -- the same aching void. I turned on the TV and started to watch this show 'GEO Ajooba' on GEO news. I think it's a good show. The host is very lifely and all :p.
After having too much of him (for about five minutes) I thought it would be wise of me to get changed. Hence I went to my room and got changed. By the way, I ran out of my favourite purple Rexona deo and I asked my brother to bring a new one. I told him I want a purple one but he bought a white one :(. White one is not that good. The fragrance is slightly manly :p. It doesn't suit me. To overcome the weird fragrance, I sprayed a good amount of my favourite perfume -- Beyond Paradise.
I took out my golden gladiator slippers and wore them. Did some seamless make-up. Well, you wouldn't quite call it a make-up. I just wear kohl and lip balm. Lip balm is good in winters. Keep your lips moisturised and supple.
Anyway, as I came in my office I was fine. But I dunno what got into me, I don't feel all enthusiastic anymore. I dunno why =\. I had biryani for lunch. I shared it with Saima. I had the best piece of chicken, I asked them to put that one :p. It was very spicy and I like spicy biryani. I had a nice, hot cup of coffee.
OK too much ranting. Bye for now :p.
This is my first mobile blawg! I wanna see if it works properly. So maybe next time I can blog from my phone.
Anyway, my day was so crazy. But thank God I had an off today. Hamdulillah! Rested like maaaaadddd. Slept like a cat! I feel fresh to face a new fatiguing tomorrow!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
To my dismay, I forgot my coffee jar at home and I am damn sleepy at the moment =(.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Before I hit my sack at around 3:30 am in the morn, I set an alarm for 8:40 am, so at least I would get a 5-hour sleep. But my dreams were shattered midway when my driver arrived at 8:00 am in the morning. I didn't hear the doorbell and everyone else was asleep too. After five to ten minutes, he gave me a call on my phone and I woke up with a mixed emotion of shock and dismay. I hated to wake up an hour before!
I kept sitting on the bed for 2 minutes to regain my senses. Then I hopped off my bed and hurried towards the closet and took out the clothes, put them on the bed and scurried to the washroom. I washed my face in a very brutal manner, brushed my teeth rigourously and ran outside while picking up the clothes from my bed and headed straight to the iron stand.
I almost burnt my hands twice and burnt my clothes thrice. Thank God none of it happened :p. I hurried back to my room, got changed, dabbed my sunblock, took out my shoes, picked my bag and hurried outside. Just when I was about to step out, I realized that I have forgotten my wallet, so I ran inside the home again, straight to my room and picked up my wallet.
I finally stepped out of home and sat in the car with a very bad face. I pulled faces at the driver from time to time. I was really hungry. I felt my stomach making noises. I calmed my senses by telling myself that I will pick something on my way to the office. But sadly enough, I was the only girl in the van and the rest were all men. I felt a bit hesitated to ask the driver to stop somewhere. Hence, I just kept silent and let the car reach the office.
I overheard the driver when he was telling the admin person that he is going out. I capitalized on the opportunity and asked him to bring some nashta for me. Now I am waiting for my nashta and blogging.
I think I should start working on the report I have to make today.
So, bye for now!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Of all the things mentioned above, we differ in approach. I always envied Indians (don't hate me for this). But I have always loved the way they portray themselves -- So positively, so glamorously. And buy it or not, India knows how to rule the business. Really.
Yesterday, in our Advanced Reporting sessions, we were talking about the Top 100 most valuable global brands. I was both surprised and disappointed to find out that two Indian brands have paved way to this list. And this list is not your conventional everyday list. It contains the most powerful brands from across the globe.
ICICI bank has made it to the top 100 most valuable global brands whereas Infosys, an outsourcing company based in India has been ranked 18 on the Technology list. Awestriking, isn't it?
We sprouted from the same seed, blossomed at the same time, but why is it that India succeeded to bloom whereas we only learnt to wilt? I felt very bad when I got to know this because as discussed in our class, in Pakistan, individuals make names, whereas in India, brands make names.
When an individual gets fame, seldom people behind it are given the limelight. The credit goes to the person on the forefront. Rest is ignored. It's a one man show. But when a brand or an organization makes name, then the team or the people behind it are also given their due credit and share. Hence, it is more fruitful for an organization or a brand to grow than an individual.
I guess that is what shows us the bigger picture of both the economies. India's economy is growing faster than Pakistan and definitely expanding more.
We should take this as a lesson for future and start working on sectors rathers than sections and pay heed to the bigger picture.
Monday, November 15, 2010
It's a boring Monday morning and I am sitting in my office. And I am still yawning. Lol. I generally despise Mondays but lately I was able to cope up with this problem. But now, AGAIN, I am caught with this trouble. Mondays aren't really bad but you know there's this 'psychological' thing with your mind that keeps telling you that on Mondays you're more sleepy, more lethargic and definitely more unproductive.
Anyway. I ran out of my Nescafe' gold jar, and I bought another one ^_^ ! I am so happy. I just love this blend. It's stronger than the classic one and it's more creamier. I guess. Or so I feel :p.
And and and, the news for today is, my nephew Shayan (Read: Shayawwwnnn) is gonna come! I am more than excited to see him : ). (MashAllah :p). I am gonna buy doughnuts for him on my way back. He simple loves doughnuts : ).
OK, I am off to some work now.