I did a very wrong thing yesterday. I know it and I do realize it, in contrast to how I am, I wanted to say it too. I wanted to express my dismay over my silly decision, but let’s just see if it was silly enough. Lately, my nature has become consistently inconsistent. I have severe mood swings and I dunno how to tame myself when it erupts.
Last night, I had a very bad mood swing. You know, sometimes you just want attention from that one person and he fails to deliver that. Sadly enough, other people around you start giving you that attention. It is like this with me. I feel really bad because if I want something from someone then I’d only want it from that particular person. Other people around me, giving me attention and love won’t help fill the void.
I guess it’s quite normal? Isn’t it? Or maybe it isn’t. And maybe that is why I just called off with one of my friends yesterday. My mood swings being the reason. I don’t want to pour my anger out on someone each time I feel bad. Neither they deserve it, nor would I like to do it. I want to be contained, able to gulp my exasperation on my own. I don’t want to make anyone the victim of my mood swings. Especially when someone doesn’t deserve such behaviour.
Hence, I think, my life without good people is better than my life with good people and me hurting them. I am sorry. I know I did wrong but seriously, I don’t want to victimize you anymore.
I felt so bad that I cried and cried until I ran short on breath. I fished my inhaler from my bag and puffed it in. I couldn't regain my breath because I broke into hiccups. Sleeping at 3 am was just an eventuality. It happened. I didn't know when I slept.